Karaoke and Bottomless Laundry Chutes
by Seimei
Summary: SEQUEL TO BRAS AND RED MEAT. Wolf and Virginia's kids ARE still wreaking havoc---only this time, it's at Wendell's wedding. (Co-written by Kaiya.)


a/n: We seriously suggest you read Bras and Red Meat before this, or you'll be very lost! This is dedicated to a certain friend of Seimei's, named Rachel. Enjoy! Oh, almost forgot. WE don't own any of the characters except for Eddie, Christine, Snow, Adam, and the Queen. We also don't own either of the karaoke songs or the quote from The Princess Bride. We DO own the lingerie, dirty laundry, the laundry chute, and the guard with the sub-machine gun! Adam owns the karaoke machine. 

**

Karaoke and Bottomless Laundry Chutes

**

_By: Seimei and Kaiya_

"MOM!!!" 

Virginia looked back at her seven-year-old daughter, Christine. "Yeah?" 

"Snow's trying to tear my dress!!!" Christine complained. 

Virginia sighed. This wasn't the first time. She replied, "Snow, come up here and hold your daddy's hand, okay?" 

Victoria Snow, Wolf and Virginia's 3-year-old daughter, smiled and skipped merrily to her father's side. "Daddy Daddy!!! Didja know we're going to a wedding?" 

Wolf picked up his daughter, "No!!! I wasn't aware that we were going anywhere special. What makes you think we are?" 

Snow giggled, "Because Christine said that she and Eddie were carrying a wedding present for Wendy!!!!!!" 

Virginia shook her head at her family's antics. At least they were behaving better than yesterday. "Yeah," she smiled at Snow, "King Wendell's marrying Queen Riding Hood's sister, Rachel. Your brother and sister were nice enough to bring them a present themselves." 

Behind them, Eddie and Christine were debating about what song they should sing on the karaoke machine they'd 'borrowed' from Eddie's friend, Adam. 

"Break dancing would be awesome!!! We need a song that we can break dance to!!" 

"WHAT?! Are you nuts? It's a WEDDING, not a rave!!! We should sing a love ballad from Titanic!!!" 

Eddie made the sign against evil, and exclaimed, "A love WHAT? You wanna kill them with your hoarse voice??!!" 

Christine's eye's widened, "MY hoarse voice!!?? Don't let me get started on your tap dancing!!" 

"I can tap dance very well, thank you very much!!! Besides, why would we tap dance in a love ballad?" Eddie snapped. 

Christine gave him their mother's evil eye, "Well, we could river dance…" 

Eddie raised an eyebrow, "Uh, yeah right. Can you river dance?" 

"I can river dance better than you can tap dance." 

"Oh yeah, I believe that, stupid." 

"Well, YOU don't have to river dance with me… Just shuffle your feet and pretend to know what you're doing…you're good at that." 

"HEY!!! Am not!! I ain't gonna river dance…" he began, but Christine cut him off. 

"Huh, that's odd. I seem to remember a certain incident involving a little old lady at the nursing home a few weeks back …" 

"I didn't hurt her!!!" 

Christine smirked, "I doubt Mom would feel that way…" 

"YOU WOULDN'T!!" Eddie growled. 

Christine smiled at him. 

"MO!!…" Eddie dropped the karaoke machine in the grass and jumped at his sister before she could scream. 

"What do you want me to do?" he whispered. 

Christine twisted away from Eddie, and reached into a bag she was carrying. She yanked out a CD. 

"We sing … this…" she cackled evilly. 

*** 

"Dad!!" Virginia exclaimed cheerfully, rushing through the magic mirror towards her father. 

"Hey guys," Tony greeted, hugging his daughter. Snow sprinted towards her grandfather, happily leaping into his arms. 

"Heehee!!! Hi grandpa!!!" she giggled. 

Tony cleared his throat, answering, "It's---uh, anything but grandpa." 

Snow paused for a moment, then smiled, "…Okay, then…Pops!! Guess what!!!" 

Shifting her to one shoulder, Tony asked, "What?" 

"Last night, I went into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom, and they were…" 

Virginia interrupted her daughter, "Uh-we where wrapping Wendell's wedding present! Weren't we, Wolf?" 

Wolf, who was right behind her, snorted, and started scratching his ear. "Yeah, it was a blast. I just love to wrap things." 

The potentially uncomfortable moment was avoided as a merry Christine and a downcast Eddie made their appearance through the mirror. 

"Hey Grampa!!! We brought Wendell an awesome present!!!!" Christine called. 

Wolf muttered under his breath, "Gee, I hope it's nothing like Virginia's and mine." 

Virginia smacked him on the back of the head. "Okay, okay…Let's just get to the ballroom…I promised Rachel I'd help set up." 

As the family headed towards the ballroom (where Wendell had been crowned King of the 4th Kingdom thirteen years ago), Tony fell back to speak with Virginia. 

"Honey, didn't you get Christine a new dress?" he asked, motioning towards the relatively plain dress she was wearing. 

Virginia's face began to redden. 

"I did," she answered, gritting her teeth in an attempt to control herself. 

"Don't tell me that's it?!" Tony exclaimed. 

Virginia faked a smile. "It's not…" 

*** 

In no time at all, the wedding was underway. Surprisingly, the children behaved themselves throughout the entire two-hour long service, though they were more than ready when the reception began afterwards. 

Virginia shoved Wolf towards Tony. "Go spend some quality time with my father," she ordered, turning back to speak with the new Queen. 

Snow hung around the long tables laden with food, while Christine and Eddie set up the karaoke machine in a corner of the ballroom. Everyone was too engrossed in their separate conversations to notice them. 

"Be careful with that!" Eddie cried as Christine pulled out the microphone. "Adam'll kill me if anything happens to his karaoke machine!" 

"Don't worry!" Christine said impatiently. "I know what I'm doing." 

In no time at all the children had set up the machine and were more or less ready to sing and river dance for the most important people in all the Nine Kingdoms. 

Eddie pulled the tablecloth off one of the many large wooden tables, and helped Christine drag herself up onto it. 

Christine cleared her throat and tapped on the microphone. Everyone turned and stared as the microphone emitted a high-pitched wail. "Attention everyone! I, Christine Rose Lewis and my brother, Edward Antony Lewis have put together a special show for King Wendell White and Queen Rachel Riding Hood to celebrate their lovely wedding." 

Christine motioned for Eddie to put in the CD. He gave his sister a pleading look, and she waved her hand toward the karaoke machine. He groaned and stuck the CD into the machine. 

"We will be performing a very popular song by a group that both me and my brother love." Eddie growled at his sister as she spoke. "You will now witness Eddie the King of River Dancing and Me, Christine, The Queen of Pop!" 

Everyone in the room gave each other confused looks, except for Virginia, who had a look of pure embarrassment flash across her face, and Tony and Wolf, who both looked shocked. 

Eddie climbed up onto the table to stand beside his sister. His face turned beet-red as he prepared to say his line. 

The music started. 

Eddie: "Some people say I look loike me da!!" 

Christine: "Wot, are you serious?" 

Tony in the background: "I didn't know they could do Irish accents!" 

Christine: "Uh o-oh! Hey Hey Hey! Uh o-oh!" 

Eddie began river dancing as the music blared. 

Christine: "I say, HEY BOY! Sittin' in your tree, mummy always wants you to come for te-ea!" 

Eddie imitated a tree. 

Christine: "Don't be shy, straighten up you tie, get down from your treehouse sittin' in the sky!" 

Eddie resumes shuffling his feet a.k.a river dancing. 

When Snow heard her siblings begin to sing, she realized that no one was paying attention to her. "I'm Victoria," she whispered, turning and dashing off up the stairs to an unknown destination. 

Halfway through the song, one of the guards sidled up to Queen Rachel. "Should I stop them? They're beginning to scare me." 

"NO!" the Queen snapped. "I rather like it. Wendy likes it too," she added, motioning towards King Wendell, who was clapping and imitating Eddie's dance steps. The Queen smiled fondly at her husband and began to clap as well. Once everyone realized the royal couple was enjoying the strange 10th Kingdom custom, they all began to clap and sing and dance along. All except for Tony and Virginia, who were gaping at the children. Wolf, on the other hand, was enjoying himself. He had no idea what his kids were doing, though, despite living in the 10th Kingdom for 13 years. 

*** 

Snow wandered through the palace, peeking through open doorways and forcing her way through closed ones. "They're MINE! I'm Victoria!" she whispered over and over again. 

Suddenly she gasped in awe as she peered into the largest bedroom in the palace. It was the King and Queen's bedroom. It was as big as Wolf and Virginia's entire apartment. Snow trotted in and headed straight for the huge mahogany dresser. She pulled open the top drawer, revealing piles upon piles of handmade underwear and bras. 

"There's more here than Mommy has! She was really mad yesterday. Maybe she'll be happy again if I bring her some of these! Anyway, they're MINE! I'm Victoria!" Snow dove into the lingerie, dragging out an armful of the velvet and satin undergarments. "I'll have to come back for more," she said to herself. 

*** 

Meanwhile, back in the ballroom…. 

Christine: "Say you will, say you won't, say you'll do what I don't! Say you're true, say to me, won't you say, CE'ST LA VI-I-I-IE!" 

Eddie: "NA NA NA E-EH! NA NA NA O-OH!" 

Christine: "CE'ST LA VI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IE!" 

Eddie ends with a few break dancing moves, despite Christine's nasty look. 

The children bowed, and the entire room erupted in applause! 

"BRAVO! BRAVO!" The King cried. 

"ENCORE!" the Queen echoed. 

Christine seemed about to lift up the microphone again, but Eddie stopped her. "If we do this again, I will kill you," he threatened. 

Luckily, Wolf, who leapt up onto the table and took the microphone from Christine, saved them from a fight. "My turn!" he winked at them. Christine grinned and climbed down off the table, with Eddie following after her. 

"Virginia, my love! This is for you!" He declared. 

"Oh no!" Virginia blushed, attempting to hide behind her father. 

Wolf grinned and blew on the microphone. He then tapped the microphone for a full minute, causing everyone to look at him oddly. Once he was satisfied that it was on, he knelt down and spent a good five minutes searching for a cassette tape, then placed it inside the karaoke machine. By this time the audience was getting restless. When he finally stood, everyone sighed in relief. "Sing already, you bastard!" someone shouted. Wolf bared his teeth and snarled in the man's direction, then motioned for Christine to start up the music, and he began to sing, using the expressive gestures he had seen some rapper use on MTV. 

Wolf: "THEN I SAW HER FAAAACE! NOW I'M A BELIEVER! WITHOUT A TRAAAACE! NO DOUBT IN MY MIND!" 

Virginia started laughing hysterically. 

Tony in the background: "So THAT'S what happened to all my old records!" 

Wolf began moon walking on the table, causing Virginia to double over with laughter. 

Wolf: "I'M IN LOVE!" 

Christine elbowed Eddie, and they began singing backup. 

Chris and Eddie: "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…OHHHHHHHHH!" 

Wolf: "OH I'M A BELIEVER, I COULDN'T LEAVE HER IF I TRIED!" 

Wolf then began to play an invisible guitar. 

Chris and Eddie: "DA DUM DA DUM DA DUM!" 

Same guard who spoke to the Queen before: "Shouldn't people be singing love songs to YOU? After all, it's YOUR wedding!" 

Queen Rachel: "SHUT UP! I think it's sweet." 

*** 

During this time, Snow had removed nearly half of the Queen's lingerie and had piled it up behind the statue on the balcony above the ballroom. The guards had been too engrossed in the karaoke performances to notice a little girl dashing back and forth carrying armfuls of royal undergarments. 

Finally Snow decided she had enough to satisfy Virginia. She slammed the drawer shut and ran from the room, her face glowing with delight at the thought of her mother's happiness. 

Snow reached the pile of lingerie just as Wolf finished his song. She heaved the lingerie over the railing. "Heehee! I'm Victoria! It's all MOMMY'S!" The pile of bras and panties soared through the air, most of them landing either on or around Virginia and Tony. 

The innocent bystander would have seen this: A husband just finishes an outlandish love song to his embarrassed wife, and suddenly out of nowhere tons of lingerie come falling onto her from above. 

"Hey, that's mine!" Queen Rachel screamed, horror spreading across her face. 

Snow leaned over the edge of the balcony. Everyone stared up at her. She grinned. "I thought you needed more, Mommy! It's YOURS!" 

Tony shook his head in disbelief, "Virginia, I think your child is possessed." 

"SNOW! COME DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" Virginia screamed. 

Suddenly Snow realized that her mother wasn't reacting in the way she thought she would. Her feelings hurt; Snow turned and ran blindly through the halls. 

"COME BACK, SNOW!" Wolf called. 

"GET HER! SHE STOLE MY UNDERWEAR!" Queen Rachel ordered. Dozens of guards, Virginia, Wolf, Tony, Christine, Eddie, Wendell, and Rachel all chased after her. Virginia and Tony lagged behind, trying hard to disentangle themselves from the bras and panties. 

It was not long before they had Snow cornered by the laundry chute. "NO! MOMMY!" she wailed. 

Virginia heard her and attempted to push her way to the front of the crowd, but a guard with a sub-machine gun got to Snow first. "COME HERE, YOU LITTLE RODENT OF UNUSUAL SIZE!" 

Upon hearing that, Snow screamed and dove down the laundry chute. Wolf howled with rage and attacked the guard, ripping the sub-machine gun out of his sweaty hands. 

"I must fire that man," Wendell said absently. 

"SNOW!" Virginia called, diving down the laundry chute after her. 

"VIRGINIA!" Tony cried. He almost dove in after them, but Eddie grabbed him just in time. 

"Gramps, you ain't gonna fit down that laundry chute, and you know it!" Eddie grunted. 

"Come on! This way!" Christine called, and they crowd followed her down to the laundry room, all except for Wolf, who was still ripping the guard to pieces. 

By the time they reached the laundry room, Virginia and Snow were already there, buried under mounds of dirty laundry. 

"MOM!" Christine yelled, once again, diving into the laundry after her. Eddie yanked her out just in time. Another second and she too would have been lost in the darkness of dirty underwear. 

Just then Wolf came bounding in. "Did I miss anything?" he asked cheerfully, pulling a few shreds of a guard uniform from between his teeth. 

"DAD! Mom's lost in the laundry!" Eddie informed him. 

"WHAT! Virginia, my love! I'll save you!" Wolf promptly dove into the laundry. He disappeared for quite a while. Everyone anxiously watched the oversized laundry pile, praying for the lives of those within. 

Christine finally blurted out, "Doesn't anyone ever actually DO the laundry in this place?" 

She was rewarded with angry glares from everyone except Tony and Eddie, and Wendell, who was busy calculating how long it would have taken him to get them out if he was still a dog. 

Suddenly Virginia tumbled out of the laundry pile, clutching Snow. Her long braided hair was all messed up, along with her dress. Snow was whimpering. 

"MOM! Where's dad?" Christine asked. 

"Your father?" 

"He dove in after you," Eddie said. 

"Soooooooooo romantic!" Queen Rachel swooned, giving Wendell, who was still lost in thought, a significant look. 

"WOLF! YOU COME OUT OF THERE THIS INSTANT!" Virginia shrieked. 

Wolf stuck his head out of the laundry pile. "But I found a doggie biscuit in someone's pocket! I think it's Wendell's!" 

"Is not!" Wendell protested, snapping out of trance. 

Snow yelled and tackled Wolf. "We found you, Daddy!" 

Wolf yelped and leapt from the laundry pile and grabbed Snow before she could sink into the dirty and smelly socks and underwear. 

"WHAT A WEDDING!" Tony grinned, slapping Wendell on the back. Wendell smiled at Tony, then went back to explaining to Rachel all the reasons why that COULDN'T be HIS biscuit. He couldn't find very many. 

"Well, there goes two more five hundred dollar dresses!" Virginia grinned, touching her torn and muddy gown, and looking at Snow's. 

"Well…Macy's is still having that sale!" Wolf supplied. 

Virginia rolled her eyes. "I guess if we go incognito…." 

Snow grabbed Virginia's hand. "Mommy, while we're there…can we go to MY store?" 

Wolf groaned. "No! Not again!" 


End file.
